I was working a few days ago, so Dad picked the boys up from school. He told me that Pup had walked out the gates holding hands with Miss S. Pup has known her since Year 8 and they hang out at school. I asked Pup and he reckoned Miss S is just messing around with Dad.
I was with Dad today to pick up the boys and there they were! Holding hands! Practically joined at the hip!
This was our conversation.
Miss S: Hello! What is your name?
Me: Hello, my name is Carolyn.
Miss S: Can I call you Mum?
Me: No.
Miss S: Why not?
Me: Because you are not my daughter and we just met. (At least I'm direct)
She then popped her head in the window to ask Dad if she could call him Dad! He asked if she had a dad. Apparently she does but he doesn’t live with her. So Dad said yes. FOOL!!!
Miss S: So now I have a dad but no mum…
Me (thinking): I wonder what her mum would think to hear her say that…
She then asked the other two boys where we lived but they didn’t tell her. She already has our phone number but hasn’t called. Another thought – if Pup wanted her to visit, wouldn’t he give her our address or ask for hers? Actually, on second thought, he probably doesn’t want her to visit here because his room is a mess…
After a painful, long, teenage goodbye we managed to leave. Yay! It was painful for me and long and teenage for them because they will have to survive until Monday morning.
Once we got home, I asked Pup if Miss S had decided to mess with me. He replied, “Yes”. (Me thinking: Bring it on Sweetheart, I'm a girl too)
I then told him that in my opinion, Miss S really does like him and has tricked him into playing a game where she can hold his hand and hear him say he loves her.
He just turned and walked away. But I saw that smile on his face. I do believe he cares for her.
I'm just not ready yet... Any advice?
Friday, 21 October 2011
Sunday, 16 October 2011
Termite Removal
The termite removal people turned up to do their job a few weeks ago. The bloke told me that they’d be here at 7:00 am and I agreed that it was a decent time. I get up at 7:00 am and I figured they’d get here later – it was just a ballpark time. Stupid me! Bang on 7, there was a knock on the door… Luckily, I got up a few minutes earlier, just not early enough to have a cup of coffee, so my conversational skills were not at my best.
They did their thing and left. We’re still waiting on getting the holes fixed but would you believe the real estate agent said we must have disturbed the termites so they went underground. So very sorry for actually cleaning the home we live in. Promise not to do that ever again! (Sarcasm intended)
And then…
A few days ago…
Dad was outside near our BBQ and then he scurried in the house. (Note to Dad - When you’re a big man, scurrying is not a good look and arouses suspicion)
Me: What’s wrong?
Dad: Nothing. You don’t want to know.
Me: Snake!?!
Dad: Yes. A small dead brown snake. They’re really poisonous. I wonder where the Mum and brothers are?
Me : (curled up on a chair) WHAT? Next time don’t tell me!
Dad: I said you didn’t want to know…
No. I don’t want to know but I do now. And I'm sorry I did! I also don’t want to know where the daddy snake is.
PS. Sorry for the peace, quiet and lack of updating but I've been a bit busy lately.
They did their thing and left. We’re still waiting on getting the holes fixed but would you believe the real estate agent said we must have disturbed the termites so they went underground. So very sorry for actually cleaning the home we live in. Promise not to do that ever again! (Sarcasm intended)
And then…
A few days ago…
Dad was outside near our BBQ and then he scurried in the house. (Note to Dad - When you’re a big man, scurrying is not a good look and arouses suspicion)
Me: What’s wrong?
Dad: Nothing. You don’t want to know.
Me: Snake!?!
Dad: Yes. A small dead brown snake. They’re really poisonous. I wonder where the Mum and brothers are?
Me : (curled up on a chair) WHAT? Next time don’t tell me!
Dad: I said you didn’t want to know…
No. I don’t want to know but I do now. And I'm sorry I did! I also don’t want to know where the daddy snake is.
PS. Sorry for the peace, quiet and lack of updating but I've been a bit busy lately.
I have a boyfriend
No, you don’t have to tell Dad because he’s the one who pointed it out. It’s our 86 year old neighbour. Well, he was 86 when he moved in a few years ago but now he’s 84. Hey! I’m not the one with dementia – he’s the first to admit he has dementia.
He visits almost every 2 days and, depending on the season, offers parsley, silverbeet, cherry tomatoes, mandarins and oranges and 3 or 4 magazines.
If he happens to see Dad instead of me, well, then he pops back again the very next day. Just in case Dad knocked me off or I left, I guess.
Here are a few examples in case you think we’re imagining it…
These are just a few examples but after every single occasion where Mr 86 has not seen me, he has turned up the very next day, and the next… until he does see me. And he always gives me something. Even if it’s just a magazine.
I’ve been in his home (with Dad) and he has enough magazines to visit forever!!!
He never stays for long but he is obviously reaching out for companionship. He is married but his wife works a few days a week. I don’t think there’s a person in our street who doesn’t know him. He’s a lovely person and I wish they were still made that way.
He visits almost every 2 days and, depending on the season, offers parsley, silverbeet, cherry tomatoes, mandarins and oranges and 3 or 4 magazines.
If he happens to see Dad instead of me, well, then he pops back again the very next day. Just in case Dad knocked me off or I left, I guess.
Here are a few examples in case you think we’re imagining it…
- Dad spray painting the car in the shed. In walked Mr 86 who said, “Hello Dad. (Obviously not what he really called him) Are you spray painting the car?” And then he touched the wet area! We have a thumbprint as proof.
- Dad fixing a car in the shed. In walked Mr 86 who said, “Hello Dad. Are you fixing the car?” And popped his head under the hood and gave him a history lesson on the type of car it was.
- Dad actually answering the door because I was tucked up in bed having a sleep-in. Mr 86 asked where I was and when Dad told him I was asleep, he actually started to whisper because he didn’t want to wake me up! Beautiful thought but wasted on Dad because he’s deaf too. And our bedroom is far away from the front door, so I wouldn’t have heard him anyway.
- The boys helping Dad mow the lawn. The first I knew of his visit was more silverbeet and parsley on the counter.
- Foal helping Dad clean the car and then getting sidetracked with me trying to get the stupid dog to go back home. (A story for another time) I came back inside and there was silverbeet and parsley on the counter.
These are just a few examples but after every single occasion where Mr 86 has not seen me, he has turned up the very next day, and the next… until he does see me. And he always gives me something. Even if it’s just a magazine.
I’ve been in his home (with Dad) and he has enough magazines to visit forever!!!
He never stays for long but he is obviously reaching out for companionship. He is married but his wife works a few days a week. I don’t think there’s a person in our street who doesn’t know him. He’s a lovely person and I wish they were still made that way.
Saturday, 1 October 2011
Genuine Email From Someone Clearly Needing Help
How can I help? Let me show the way... Gentleman first...
OF MR LARRY WILLIAMS
ZENITH BANK PLC.
ATTENTION:
I seek for your co-operation; my name is Mr. Larry William A Personal Accountant to Late Engineer Michael, a citizen of your country , who used to work with French oil major total, company here in. Herein, shall be referred to as my client. On the 21st of April 2004, Mr. Michael, his wife and his three children were involved in a drastic car accident along Sagamu/Lagos Express Road. Unfortunately he and his three kids lost their lives immediately in the event of the accident, while the wife was taken to the hospital where she died three days later. Their bodies were kept in the mortuary for five months, in order for the authority, to carry out a proper investigation on how to locate their surviving relatives. They have checked all available public files and embassies, but all their efforts had proved abortive, as they could not fund any of their relatives.
After these several unsuccessful attempts, no one has been coming for his account that he deposited with my bank (Zenith Bank Plc). And due to the banking law and regulation of 1985, sub section 18d page 103 chapter 11 of constitution governing all banking policy, and in accordance to the banking decree 003 sub section 45 which stated that any deposited fund which remains unclaimed after the existing period of four years will be confiscated by the national treasury department as unclaimed fund. And this has brought too much agitation in our bank between boards of directors on how to declare this account unserviceable, base on the fact that the deceased has no next of kin. After the meeting held by the executives of zenith bank with the personal attorney to late Michael on 15th of November 2010, they have all agreed to extend the date to 1st of August 2011.
Consequently to this, I have contacted you to assist in repatriating the money and property left behind by my client before the national treasury department gets them confiscated or declare unserviceable by zenith bank Plc Where the deceased have an account Valued at about fifteen Million, three hundred and forty five thousand U.S dollars (USD 15, 345,000.00). The bank has issued out a notice to provide the next of kin or have the account confiscated with in the next few days. Since no one has been able to locate their relatives for over four years now, I seek your consent to present you as the next of kin of the deceased so that this account valued at fifteen Million, three hundred and forty five thousand U.S dollars (USD 15, 345,000.00) can be paid to you and then you and I Can share the money. All the necessary documents concerning this claim are with the Bank legal department. All I require is your honest cooperation to enable us seal this deal.
Get back to me for immediate commencement of this deal.
Yours Truly,
Mr. Larry.
My Possible Reply to OF MR LARRY WILLIAMS
ZENITH BANK PLC.
//*********************************
My Reply -
ATTENTION: Mr Larry
I’m seeking my own co-operation too, so if you find it please let me know. I would be most grateful.
You neglect to mention Late Engineer Michael’s surname. That makes it pretty difficult to narrow him down. You might need to add the country that he was a citizen of. Just a thought…
Car accidents are always drastic and I send my condolences to the car. Do you know what make and model they were driving in? It would help me to make safer choices when it comes to choosing a car for my own family.
Now, where were we? Were their bodies really kept in the mortuary for five months? I do hope they didn’t follow a religious belief that requires them to be buried before the next sundown. How traumatic and drastic that would be for them as a family, especially if they had to wait three extra days for the wife and mother of the children.
I also find it interesting that all efforts by the public files and embassies were abortive and couldn’t FUND their relatives. Maybe they didn’t want to FIND the relatives and FUND them the money.
I am not stupid but thank-you so much for mentioning the bank that you work for so often. You might consider appropriate spelling and capitals each time you type it. The serious lack of consistency does not endear me to help you with your drastic situation. Added to that, I prefer my board of directors to be shaken and stirred. Agitation is not my preferred method for a group in charge.
Finally, you might ask someone to proof your email. You know, like maybe your secretary?
In conclusion, No, I do not want your money. I will state it here and now, you will never get my bank details, so don’t waste your time. I am just having a bit of fun.
Hugs, Me
PS This is Totally cheek in mouth and just for Fun.
OF MR LARRY WILLIAMS
ZENITH BANK PLC.
ATTENTION:
I seek for your co-operation; my name is Mr. Larry William A Personal Accountant to Late Engineer Michael, a citizen of your country , who used to work with French oil major total, company here in. Herein, shall be referred to as my client. On the 21st of April 2004, Mr. Michael, his wife and his three children were involved in a drastic car accident along Sagamu/Lagos Express Road. Unfortunately he and his three kids lost their lives immediately in the event of the accident, while the wife was taken to the hospital where she died three days later. Their bodies were kept in the mortuary for five months, in order for the authority, to carry out a proper investigation on how to locate their surviving relatives. They have checked all available public files and embassies, but all their efforts had proved abortive, as they could not fund any of their relatives.
After these several unsuccessful attempts, no one has been coming for his account that he deposited with my bank (Zenith Bank Plc). And due to the banking law and regulation of 1985, sub section 18d page 103 chapter 11 of constitution governing all banking policy, and in accordance to the banking decree 003 sub section 45 which stated that any deposited fund which remains unclaimed after the existing period of four years will be confiscated by the national treasury department as unclaimed fund. And this has brought too much agitation in our bank between boards of directors on how to declare this account unserviceable, base on the fact that the deceased has no next of kin. After the meeting held by the executives of zenith bank with the personal attorney to late Michael on 15th of November 2010, they have all agreed to extend the date to 1st of August 2011.
Consequently to this, I have contacted you to assist in repatriating the money and property left behind by my client before the national treasury department gets them confiscated or declare unserviceable by zenith bank Plc Where the deceased have an account Valued at about fifteen Million, three hundred and forty five thousand U.S dollars (USD 15, 345,000.00). The bank has issued out a notice to provide the next of kin or have the account confiscated with in the next few days. Since no one has been able to locate their relatives for over four years now, I seek your consent to present you as the next of kin of the deceased so that this account valued at fifteen Million, three hundred and forty five thousand U.S dollars (USD 15, 345,000.00) can be paid to you and then you and I Can share the money. All the necessary documents concerning this claim are with the Bank legal department. All I require is your honest cooperation to enable us seal this deal.
Get back to me for immediate commencement of this deal.
Yours Truly,
Mr. Larry.
My Possible Reply to OF MR LARRY WILLIAMS
ZENITH BANK PLC.
//*********************************
My Reply -
ATTENTION: Mr Larry
I’m seeking my own co-operation too, so if you find it please let me know. I would be most grateful.
You neglect to mention Late Engineer Michael’s surname. That makes it pretty difficult to narrow him down. You might need to add the country that he was a citizen of. Just a thought…
Car accidents are always drastic and I send my condolences to the car. Do you know what make and model they were driving in? It would help me to make safer choices when it comes to choosing a car for my own family.
Now, where were we? Were their bodies really kept in the mortuary for five months? I do hope they didn’t follow a religious belief that requires them to be buried before the next sundown. How traumatic and drastic that would be for them as a family, especially if they had to wait three extra days for the wife and mother of the children.
I also find it interesting that all efforts by the public files and embassies were abortive and couldn’t FUND their relatives. Maybe they didn’t want to FIND the relatives and FUND them the money.
I am not stupid but thank-you so much for mentioning the bank that you work for so often. You might consider appropriate spelling and capitals each time you type it. The serious lack of consistency does not endear me to help you with your drastic situation. Added to that, I prefer my board of directors to be shaken and stirred. Agitation is not my preferred method for a group in charge.
Finally, you might ask someone to proof your email. You know, like maybe your secretary?
In conclusion, No, I do not want your money. I will state it here and now, you will never get my bank details, so don’t waste your time. I am just having a bit of fun.
Hugs, Me
PS This is Totally cheek in mouth and just for Fun.
A Step Up From Bugs
The termite removal people turned up to do their job. The bloke told me that they’d be here at 7:00 am and I agreed that it was a decent time. I get up at 7:00 am and I figured they’d get here later – it was just a ballpark time. Stupid me! Bang on 7, there was a knock on the door… Luckily, I got up a few minutes earlier, just not early enough to have a cup of coffee, so my conversational skills were not at my best and I won't bore you with the details. Mainly because I can't remember as I wasn't 'technically' awake.
They did their thing and left. We’re still waiting on getting the holes fixed but would you believe the real estate agent said we must have disturbed the termites so they went underground. So very sorry for actually cleaning the home we live in. Promise not to do that ever again! (Sarcasm intended)
And then…
A few days ago…
Dad was outside near our BBQ and then he scurried in the house. Note to Dad - When you’re a big man, scurrying is not a good look and arouses suspicion.
Me: What’s wrong?
Dad: Nothing. You don’t want to know.
Me: Snake!?!
Dad: Yes. A small dead brown snake. They’re really poisonous. I wonder where the Mum and brothers are?
Me : (curled up on a chair) WTF? Next time don’t tell me!
Dad: I said you didn’t want to know…
No. I don’t want to know but I do now. I'm sorry I know but I also don’t want to know where the Dad, Mum and brother snakes are.
They did their thing and left. We’re still waiting on getting the holes fixed but would you believe the real estate agent said we must have disturbed the termites so they went underground. So very sorry for actually cleaning the home we live in. Promise not to do that ever again! (Sarcasm intended)
And then…
A few days ago…
Dad was outside near our BBQ and then he scurried in the house. Note to Dad - When you’re a big man, scurrying is not a good look and arouses suspicion.
Me: What’s wrong?
Dad: Nothing. You don’t want to know.
Me: Snake!?!
Dad: Yes. A small dead brown snake. They’re really poisonous. I wonder where the Mum and brothers are?
Me : (curled up on a chair) WTF? Next time don’t tell me!
Dad: I said you didn’t want to know…
No. I don’t want to know but I do now. I'm sorry I know but I also don’t want to know where the Dad, Mum and brother snakes are.
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