Life is a funny old thing. It can throw all sorts of things at you and you cope. Or at least you try to. At the time, it might not feel like it but years later, when you look back, you suddenly realise, “Wow! I survived!” That’s life…
One of the hardest challenges a person can ‘survive’ is the death of a loved one. At the time, and for quite a while after, there are thoughts and feelings of guilt, anger, and sorrow.
Personally, I call them the “What-if?”, “How dare they? And “I miss them” stages. (Qualified professionals probably have much better names and more stages but they get paid more money and are obviously more educated than I am)
Regardless, none of the stages are any fun because the person left behind is simply that. The one left behind. The one who is left to deal with the emotions, feelings and memories of their loved one. (We simply do not know how the person who has moved on feels.)
Having said that, I’ve found it helpful to still talk to them as if they were still here. Tell them when you feel guilty, angry or sorrow. I also like to ‘celebrate’ occasions by burning a candle to honour the person and to light their way back into our home.
What I do truly and honestly believe is that no one who is truly loved is ever forgotten.
Thursday, 20 May 2010
Tuesday, 4 May 2010
A long absence...
Well! I've been pretty slack haven't I? I have no excuses so please just accept my apologies. (Hanging my head in shame)
Quite a few changes have happened since I last wrote. Mostly to Pup. He is now officially taller than me - which is no laughing matter! It honestly happened overnight. He went to bed and he woke up in the morning quite a few centemeters taller. I suddenly noticed that I was now looking up into his eyes! I decided that because I'd only had one coffee and was still clearly delusional! Later in the day, he was standing beside me in front of a mirror and it became fact!
His voice has deepened and that's been an event in itself! At first, I kept thinking there was a stranger in the home. I'm slowly getting used to it but the downside is now when his brothers annoy him, he can really BELLOW at them! Honestly, it makes me jump everytime! He has also started growing facial hair. Initially, I thought it was a bit of dirt and tried to wipe it off and then realised the truth... He loves it and is not interested in shaving it off just yet. His plan is to grow it until he can 'twirl' it like a French villain. My plan is to stop that bit from happening. :)
Cub is also growing steadily and I don't think it will take too long for him to catch up to me either. He's enjoying school and had a go at the afterschool cricket. His first week was plenty of fun and he was keen to go back. Unfortunately it wasn't as much fun a week later and he decided he wanted to quit. We convinced him to continue but he was very happy when the cricket season ended.
Foal! What can I say about him? His teacher loves him so much she made him "Student of the Week" TWICE in the first term! During the first term I did pop along for one of those 'orientation' afternoons where you get to meet the teacher and find out their expectations for the year. I normally attend because they are highly amusing and I love hearing the fairy tales about my son. His teacher was fascinated to hear that he can be a 'bit' stubborn at home but did console me with "at least he knows how to behave in public". At least that is true... Another mum (who helps out in the classroom) completely disbelieved me with the comment that, "she can't imagine him being anything other than an angel".
And finally, we have a new addition to the household. A small blue budgie flew into the shed and decided to stay. I've tried finding his owner but haven't had any luck. I even phoned the local budgie club because he has a tag on his leg but the vice president told me not to bother and just keep it! I asked him if he wanted it but he declined, saying he already has 315 of them! I wanted to tell him that I hope its one of his and its a champion but didn't because I was stunned by his attitude. Because the budgie has a weird personality, he fits in perfectly.
Quite a few changes have happened since I last wrote. Mostly to Pup. He is now officially taller than me - which is no laughing matter! It honestly happened overnight. He went to bed and he woke up in the morning quite a few centemeters taller. I suddenly noticed that I was now looking up into his eyes! I decided that because I'd only had one coffee and was still clearly delusional! Later in the day, he was standing beside me in front of a mirror and it became fact!
His voice has deepened and that's been an event in itself! At first, I kept thinking there was a stranger in the home. I'm slowly getting used to it but the downside is now when his brothers annoy him, he can really BELLOW at them! Honestly, it makes me jump everytime! He has also started growing facial hair. Initially, I thought it was a bit of dirt and tried to wipe it off and then realised the truth... He loves it and is not interested in shaving it off just yet. His plan is to grow it until he can 'twirl' it like a French villain. My plan is to stop that bit from happening. :)
Cub is also growing steadily and I don't think it will take too long for him to catch up to me either. He's enjoying school and had a go at the afterschool cricket. His first week was plenty of fun and he was keen to go back. Unfortunately it wasn't as much fun a week later and he decided he wanted to quit. We convinced him to continue but he was very happy when the cricket season ended.
Foal! What can I say about him? His teacher loves him so much she made him "Student of the Week" TWICE in the first term! During the first term I did pop along for one of those 'orientation' afternoons where you get to meet the teacher and find out their expectations for the year. I normally attend because they are highly amusing and I love hearing the fairy tales about my son. His teacher was fascinated to hear that he can be a 'bit' stubborn at home but did console me with "at least he knows how to behave in public". At least that is true... Another mum (who helps out in the classroom) completely disbelieved me with the comment that, "she can't imagine him being anything other than an angel".
And finally, we have a new addition to the household. A small blue budgie flew into the shed and decided to stay. I've tried finding his owner but haven't had any luck. I even phoned the local budgie club because he has a tag on his leg but the vice president told me not to bother and just keep it! I asked him if he wanted it but he declined, saying he already has 315 of them! I wanted to tell him that I hope its one of his and its a champion but didn't because I was stunned by his attitude. Because the budgie has a weird personality, he fits in perfectly.
Sunday, 7 February 2010
Before the year gets any older
A new year, one month in and one full week back at school!
This time last year, I was stressing about Pup starting high school – and now I just feel silly! It seriously was a waste of energy because this year we cruised through the start of the year. Except for the ‘Textbook Issue” that is. Two days into the new term and Pup informed me that he doesn’t have any textbooks BUT all his classmates do. This confused me for a while because I assumed that he would be given a form to take home requesting payment details… Because it was now a Friday afternoon, I decided not to worry about it until Monday. And we all know those teachers and staff simply do not hang around on Fridays unless they really have to – and then they can be just a little bit cranky…
I phoned the school on Monday and spoke to a lovely lady, who asked me if I had the newsletters emailed to me. I replied, “Yes”. She then asked if I had the last one from last year. Fortunately I did because that one goes to my ‘junk’ email account, so I could honestly reply – Yes again… She then told me that the form was attached to the email. I responded that I didn’t see it and she replied, “Nobody did”. I’m still confused about how the other kids got their textbooks in the meantime…
Poor Cub is now in year six and Wow! The homework has been a massive shock for both of us. For the last two years he had the same teacher and her homework requirement were sporadic and bordered on almost nonexistent. This year he has a new teacher and she must really have loved homework when she was a child. Each day, (including Fridays) he has to write out a times tables four times, write out 25 spelling words, 5 sentences, read for 15 minutes, complete a handwriting task, and help with some housework. Then there are two other tasks to complete during the week and those choices range from discussing his religious beliefs with an adult to playing a board game with an adult to researching his favourite element and creating a chart for it. As Nana put it, when is it Cub time?
You’d think there would be some sort of uniformity in how much homework and what tasks were required. Pup never had that amount of homework in Year 6 or 7 so I guess it depends on the teacher. Fortunately Cub loves to read and does so anyway. Can you imagine if he was a ‘non-reader’? He already makes his own bed and sometimes helps out with dinner, so I reckon that counts as housework. I have the privilege of signing off on each task (daily) too so I have homework too! I wonder how many parents are going to cheat and simply sign for those tasks…
So far Foal is enjoying Year 2. The highlight is his teacher’s bird. It spends the day in the classroom ringing its bell and apparently when she starts talking about “boring stuff”, it starts shrieking. Then she covers it up and it quietens down for a bit. She seems to be really strict so fortunately Foal is well behaved.
The school is also phasing in a new school uniform. Foal has decided that he does not like it and will not wear it. This from a child who can be very stubborn! Even as a baby, it took us all of winter to get him to wear a jumper and all of summer to get him out of it. Hopefully when he is the only one in the school wearing the old uniform, he’ll be more inclined to change over…
This time last year, I was stressing about Pup starting high school – and now I just feel silly! It seriously was a waste of energy because this year we cruised through the start of the year. Except for the ‘Textbook Issue” that is. Two days into the new term and Pup informed me that he doesn’t have any textbooks BUT all his classmates do. This confused me for a while because I assumed that he would be given a form to take home requesting payment details… Because it was now a Friday afternoon, I decided not to worry about it until Monday. And we all know those teachers and staff simply do not hang around on Fridays unless they really have to – and then they can be just a little bit cranky…
I phoned the school on Monday and spoke to a lovely lady, who asked me if I had the newsletters emailed to me. I replied, “Yes”. She then asked if I had the last one from last year. Fortunately I did because that one goes to my ‘junk’ email account, so I could honestly reply – Yes again… She then told me that the form was attached to the email. I responded that I didn’t see it and she replied, “Nobody did”. I’m still confused about how the other kids got their textbooks in the meantime…
Poor Cub is now in year six and Wow! The homework has been a massive shock for both of us. For the last two years he had the same teacher and her homework requirement were sporadic and bordered on almost nonexistent. This year he has a new teacher and she must really have loved homework when she was a child. Each day, (including Fridays) he has to write out a times tables four times, write out 25 spelling words, 5 sentences, read for 15 minutes, complete a handwriting task, and help with some housework. Then there are two other tasks to complete during the week and those choices range from discussing his religious beliefs with an adult to playing a board game with an adult to researching his favourite element and creating a chart for it. As Nana put it, when is it Cub time?
You’d think there would be some sort of uniformity in how much homework and what tasks were required. Pup never had that amount of homework in Year 6 or 7 so I guess it depends on the teacher. Fortunately Cub loves to read and does so anyway. Can you imagine if he was a ‘non-reader’? He already makes his own bed and sometimes helps out with dinner, so I reckon that counts as housework. I have the privilege of signing off on each task (daily) too so I have homework too! I wonder how many parents are going to cheat and simply sign for those tasks…
So far Foal is enjoying Year 2. The highlight is his teacher’s bird. It spends the day in the classroom ringing its bell and apparently when she starts talking about “boring stuff”, it starts shrieking. Then she covers it up and it quietens down for a bit. She seems to be really strict so fortunately Foal is well behaved.
The school is also phasing in a new school uniform. Foal has decided that he does not like it and will not wear it. This from a child who can be very stubborn! Even as a baby, it took us all of winter to get him to wear a jumper and all of summer to get him out of it. Hopefully when he is the only one in the school wearing the old uniform, he’ll be more inclined to change over…
Thursday, 17 December 2009
Cub – 11!
My baby - My Reflection!
For these traits I apologise:
- Your shyness and quietness at school
- Your obsession with some things
- Your fiery attitude (although it comes in handy sometimes, you need to learn how to control it)
These I do not apologise for:
- Your love of reading
- Your honest indignation at unfair wrongs
- Your brilliant intelligence (although I probably can't claim full credit there)
- Your obsession with some things
- Your sense of humour
I love you and am very proud of you. I am honoured to be your mum.
For these traits I apologise:
- Your shyness and quietness at school
- Your obsession with some things
- Your fiery attitude (although it comes in handy sometimes, you need to learn how to control it)
These I do not apologise for:
- Your love of reading
- Your honest indignation at unfair wrongs
- Your brilliant intelligence (although I probably can't claim full credit there)
- Your obsession with some things
- Your sense of humour
I love you and am very proud of you. I am honoured to be your mum.
Thursday, 26 November 2009
Happy 13th Birthday Pup
Where have the years gone? It feels like only yesterday I was waking Dad up to tell him that it was time to pop off to the hospital. I'd already been awake for a couple of hours, stupidly thinking that the first few labour pains were easy to deal with. I'd phoned the hospital and they suggested we pay them a visit. Dad was more interested in a cup of coffee but I packed our bag and we left. A few hours later and there you were.
This time last year, I was stressing about you starting high school but you have sailed through with style. I honestly don't know why I was worried but I think a part of it was that I was not ready to let you go. I'm still not but that's my problem, not yours.
You are an amazing individual, with an enormous amount of creativity, talent and imagination. It is my privilege and pleasure to watch you grow into the intelligent and sensitive man you are becoming.
I am so proud of you and I love you my Babe.
This time last year, I was stressing about you starting high school but you have sailed through with style. I honestly don't know why I was worried but I think a part of it was that I was not ready to let you go. I'm still not but that's my problem, not yours.
You are an amazing individual, with an enormous amount of creativity, talent and imagination. It is my privilege and pleasure to watch you grow into the intelligent and sensitive man you are becoming.
I am so proud of you and I love you my Babe.
Saturday, 10 October 2009
19 Years – A Tribute
On this day, 19 years ago, I had one of those life-changing experiences. You know – one where your whole world changes.
19 years ago, it was a Wednesday and a public holiday in South Africa. We spent the day with Elaine and her family and for that I am extremely grateful. We got the ‘phone call' from the hospital around 8-ish at night to tell us my mom had died.
I was 16, my sister 12 and my brother 10. For as long as I can remember, she had been in and out of hospital fairly often. I’m still not really sure why but that was our life and we dealt with it.
The days, weeks and months following that were some of the hardest for me. The pain eased a little over the years but it became massively worse when I found out I was pregnant with Pup. Maybe it was ‘just hormones’ but I really did pick up the phone (a few times) to call her. (Someone suggested I phone my mum-in-law instead, mainly because I actually knew that number.)
I often wonder where my life path would have taken me if she had not died. And sometimes that scares me more than anything. Would I still have had a wonderful husband, three lovely boys and live in Australia? Would I actually be the person I am now? I guess I’ll never know.
I do know that I’ve been very blessed to have some incredibly strong and influential women in my life – my Mom, Norma, Elaine and Yvonne.
19 years ago, it was a Wednesday and a public holiday in South Africa. We spent the day with Elaine and her family and for that I am extremely grateful. We got the ‘phone call' from the hospital around 8-ish at night to tell us my mom had died.
I was 16, my sister 12 and my brother 10. For as long as I can remember, she had been in and out of hospital fairly often. I’m still not really sure why but that was our life and we dealt with it.
The days, weeks and months following that were some of the hardest for me. The pain eased a little over the years but it became massively worse when I found out I was pregnant with Pup. Maybe it was ‘just hormones’ but I really did pick up the phone (a few times) to call her. (Someone suggested I phone my mum-in-law instead, mainly because I actually knew that number.)
I often wonder where my life path would have taken me if she had not died. And sometimes that scares me more than anything. Would I still have had a wonderful husband, three lovely boys and live in Australia? Would I actually be the person I am now? I guess I’ll never know.
I do know that I’ve been very blessed to have some incredibly strong and influential women in my life – my Mom, Norma, Elaine and Yvonne.
Wednesday, 30 September 2009
School Holidays
Little Miss M (the girl who lives over the back of our fence) has gone from peeking through the fence to actually hopping it. It’s true that she does have my permission when her parents give theirs – but does it have to be every day? Any who…
Nana had been in Adelaide for a few days and Pops was ‘strongly encouraged’ to ‘pop’ down and share the first weekend of the school holidays with us. He wisely agreed and hopped in his Ute for the normally 3-hour drive. Someone forgot to tell the Ute that trip was supposed to only take 3 hours but Pops, Shayla and the Ute did make it here safe and sound. A bit hot, tired and shaken from all the bouncing but safe and sound nonetheless.
Naturally, Little Miss M hopped the fence on the Friday afternoon after school to play with the boys. She was back again on Saturday. On Sunday afternoon, Pops and Dad decided to play footy with the boys – and you guessed it - she wanted to join in! She hopped over the fence and the game was on! The rules changed from my boys ‘normal’ game of footy – stand and kick the ball to the other side of the fence – to one that was full of action and actually running around. When the ball was kicked over the fence, and the guilty culprit went to reclaim it, a water break was called.
Pops and Dad wanted to desperately drop out of the game but both foolishly refused to let the kids know that they were exhausted. The ball came back and the game almost continued. This time though, the delay was because the kids were fighting over which adult was on which team. Little Miss M decided she wanted the ‘Old Codger’ (Pops) on her team. I mentioned to Pops later that it was better than saying she DIDN’T want the ‘Old Codger’ on her team, and I think that made him feel a bit better.
Pops went back home on Monday, but I reckon he enjoyed his weekend with us.
Last Thursday, Nana came back from Adelaide, and as Nana sometimes does, had bought some lollies. I think it’s the first time she’s met Little Miss M, plus Pup’s friend, Little Mr C, was here for the day. Nana took it all in her stride and still had lollies galore!!! Admittedly, Nana would not have handed out lollies if she did not have enough for all kiddies on the premises.
I’m glad Nana’s back because I’ve missed her. Plus she took the 3 boys back to “Far Far Away”. We’ll be off to get them back tomorrow – Can’t wait but I’m trying to enjoy the peace before the storm…
Nana had been in Adelaide for a few days and Pops was ‘strongly encouraged’ to ‘pop’ down and share the first weekend of the school holidays with us. He wisely agreed and hopped in his Ute for the normally 3-hour drive. Someone forgot to tell the Ute that trip was supposed to only take 3 hours but Pops, Shayla and the Ute did make it here safe and sound. A bit hot, tired and shaken from all the bouncing but safe and sound nonetheless.
Naturally, Little Miss M hopped the fence on the Friday afternoon after school to play with the boys. She was back again on Saturday. On Sunday afternoon, Pops and Dad decided to play footy with the boys – and you guessed it - she wanted to join in! She hopped over the fence and the game was on! The rules changed from my boys ‘normal’ game of footy – stand and kick the ball to the other side of the fence – to one that was full of action and actually running around. When the ball was kicked over the fence, and the guilty culprit went to reclaim it, a water break was called.
Pops and Dad wanted to desperately drop out of the game but both foolishly refused to let the kids know that they were exhausted. The ball came back and the game almost continued. This time though, the delay was because the kids were fighting over which adult was on which team. Little Miss M decided she wanted the ‘Old Codger’ (Pops) on her team. I mentioned to Pops later that it was better than saying she DIDN’T want the ‘Old Codger’ on her team, and I think that made him feel a bit better.
Pops went back home on Monday, but I reckon he enjoyed his weekend with us.
Last Thursday, Nana came back from Adelaide, and as Nana sometimes does, had bought some lollies. I think it’s the first time she’s met Little Miss M, plus Pup’s friend, Little Mr C, was here for the day. Nana took it all in her stride and still had lollies galore!!! Admittedly, Nana would not have handed out lollies if she did not have enough for all kiddies on the premises.
I’m glad Nana’s back because I’ve missed her. Plus she took the 3 boys back to “Far Far Away”. We’ll be off to get them back tomorrow – Can’t wait but I’m trying to enjoy the peace before the storm…
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