The termite removal people turned up to do their job a few weeks ago. The bloke told me that they’d be here at 7:00 am and I agreed that it was a decent time. I get up at 7:00 am and I figured they’d get here later – it was just a ballpark time. Stupid me! Bang on 7, there was a knock on the door… Luckily, I got up a few minutes earlier, just not early enough to have a cup of coffee, so my conversational skills were not at my best.
They did their thing and left. We’re still waiting on getting the holes fixed but would you believe the real estate agent said we must have disturbed the termites so they went underground. So very sorry for actually cleaning the home we live in. Promise not to do that ever again! (Sarcasm intended)
And then…
A few days ago…
Dad was outside near our BBQ and then he scurried in the house. (Note to Dad - When you’re a big man, scurrying is not a good look and arouses suspicion)
Me: What’s wrong?
Dad: Nothing. You don’t want to know.
Me: Snake!?!
Dad: Yes. A small dead brown snake. They’re really poisonous. I wonder where the Mum and brothers are?
Me : (curled up on a chair) WHAT? Next time don’t tell me!
Dad: I said you didn’t want to know…
No. I don’t want to know but I do now. And I'm sorry I did! I also don’t want to know where the daddy snake is.
PS. Sorry for the peace, quiet and lack of updating but I've been a bit busy lately.
Sunday, 16 October 2011
I have a boyfriend
No, you don’t have to tell Dad because he’s the one who pointed it out. It’s our 86 year old neighbour. Well, he was 86 when he moved in a few years ago but now he’s 84. Hey! I’m not the one with dementia – he’s the first to admit he has dementia.
He visits almost every 2 days and, depending on the season, offers parsley, silverbeet, cherry tomatoes, mandarins and oranges and 3 or 4 magazines.
If he happens to see Dad instead of me, well, then he pops back again the very next day. Just in case Dad knocked me off or I left, I guess.
Here are a few examples in case you think we’re imagining it…
These are just a few examples but after every single occasion where Mr 86 has not seen me, he has turned up the very next day, and the next… until he does see me. And he always gives me something. Even if it’s just a magazine.
I’ve been in his home (with Dad) and he has enough magazines to visit forever!!!
He never stays for long but he is obviously reaching out for companionship. He is married but his wife works a few days a week. I don’t think there’s a person in our street who doesn’t know him. He’s a lovely person and I wish they were still made that way.
He visits almost every 2 days and, depending on the season, offers parsley, silverbeet, cherry tomatoes, mandarins and oranges and 3 or 4 magazines.
If he happens to see Dad instead of me, well, then he pops back again the very next day. Just in case Dad knocked me off or I left, I guess.
Here are a few examples in case you think we’re imagining it…
- Dad spray painting the car in the shed. In walked Mr 86 who said, “Hello Dad. (Obviously not what he really called him) Are you spray painting the car?” And then he touched the wet area! We have a thumbprint as proof.
- Dad fixing a car in the shed. In walked Mr 86 who said, “Hello Dad. Are you fixing the car?” And popped his head under the hood and gave him a history lesson on the type of car it was.
- Dad actually answering the door because I was tucked up in bed having a sleep-in. Mr 86 asked where I was and when Dad told him I was asleep, he actually started to whisper because he didn’t want to wake me up! Beautiful thought but wasted on Dad because he’s deaf too. And our bedroom is far away from the front door, so I wouldn’t have heard him anyway.
- The boys helping Dad mow the lawn. The first I knew of his visit was more silverbeet and parsley on the counter.
- Foal helping Dad clean the car and then getting sidetracked with me trying to get the stupid dog to go back home. (A story for another time) I came back inside and there was silverbeet and parsley on the counter.
These are just a few examples but after every single occasion where Mr 86 has not seen me, he has turned up the very next day, and the next… until he does see me. And he always gives me something. Even if it’s just a magazine.
I’ve been in his home (with Dad) and he has enough magazines to visit forever!!!
He never stays for long but he is obviously reaching out for companionship. He is married but his wife works a few days a week. I don’t think there’s a person in our street who doesn’t know him. He’s a lovely person and I wish they were still made that way.
Saturday, 1 October 2011
Genuine Email From Someone Clearly Needing Help
How can I help? Let me show the way... Gentleman first...
OF MR LARRY WILLIAMS
ZENITH BANK PLC.
ATTENTION:
I seek for your co-operation; my name is Mr. Larry William A Personal Accountant to Late Engineer Michael, a citizen of your country , who used to work with French oil major total, company here in. Herein, shall be referred to as my client. On the 21st of April 2004, Mr. Michael, his wife and his three children were involved in a drastic car accident along Sagamu/Lagos Express Road. Unfortunately he and his three kids lost their lives immediately in the event of the accident, while the wife was taken to the hospital where she died three days later. Their bodies were kept in the mortuary for five months, in order for the authority, to carry out a proper investigation on how to locate their surviving relatives. They have checked all available public files and embassies, but all their efforts had proved abortive, as they could not fund any of their relatives.
After these several unsuccessful attempts, no one has been coming for his account that he deposited with my bank (Zenith Bank Plc). And due to the banking law and regulation of 1985, sub section 18d page 103 chapter 11 of constitution governing all banking policy, and in accordance to the banking decree 003 sub section 45 which stated that any deposited fund which remains unclaimed after the existing period of four years will be confiscated by the national treasury department as unclaimed fund. And this has brought too much agitation in our bank between boards of directors on how to declare this account unserviceable, base on the fact that the deceased has no next of kin. After the meeting held by the executives of zenith bank with the personal attorney to late Michael on 15th of November 2010, they have all agreed to extend the date to 1st of August 2011.
Consequently to this, I have contacted you to assist in repatriating the money and property left behind by my client before the national treasury department gets them confiscated or declare unserviceable by zenith bank Plc Where the deceased have an account Valued at about fifteen Million, three hundred and forty five thousand U.S dollars (USD 15, 345,000.00). The bank has issued out a notice to provide the next of kin or have the account confiscated with in the next few days. Since no one has been able to locate their relatives for over four years now, I seek your consent to present you as the next of kin of the deceased so that this account valued at fifteen Million, three hundred and forty five thousand U.S dollars (USD 15, 345,000.00) can be paid to you and then you and I Can share the money. All the necessary documents concerning this claim are with the Bank legal department. All I require is your honest cooperation to enable us seal this deal.
Get back to me for immediate commencement of this deal.
Yours Truly,
Mr. Larry.
My Possible Reply to OF MR LARRY WILLIAMS
ZENITH BANK PLC.
//*********************************
My Reply -
ATTENTION: Mr Larry
I’m seeking my own co-operation too, so if you find it please let me know. I would be most grateful.
You neglect to mention Late Engineer Michael’s surname. That makes it pretty difficult to narrow him down. You might need to add the country that he was a citizen of. Just a thought…
Car accidents are always drastic and I send my condolences to the car. Do you know what make and model they were driving in? It would help me to make safer choices when it comes to choosing a car for my own family.
Now, where were we? Were their bodies really kept in the mortuary for five months? I do hope they didn’t follow a religious belief that requires them to be buried before the next sundown. How traumatic and drastic that would be for them as a family, especially if they had to wait three extra days for the wife and mother of the children.
I also find it interesting that all efforts by the public files and embassies were abortive and couldn’t FUND their relatives. Maybe they didn’t want to FIND the relatives and FUND them the money.
I am not stupid but thank-you so much for mentioning the bank that you work for so often. You might consider appropriate spelling and capitals each time you type it. The serious lack of consistency does not endear me to help you with your drastic situation. Added to that, I prefer my board of directors to be shaken and stirred. Agitation is not my preferred method for a group in charge.
Finally, you might ask someone to proof your email. You know, like maybe your secretary?
In conclusion, No, I do not want your money. I will state it here and now, you will never get my bank details, so don’t waste your time. I am just having a bit of fun.
Hugs, Me
PS This is Totally cheek in mouth and just for Fun.
OF MR LARRY WILLIAMS
ZENITH BANK PLC.
ATTENTION:
I seek for your co-operation; my name is Mr. Larry William A Personal Accountant to Late Engineer Michael, a citizen of your country , who used to work with French oil major total, company here in. Herein, shall be referred to as my client. On the 21st of April 2004, Mr. Michael, his wife and his three children were involved in a drastic car accident along Sagamu/Lagos Express Road. Unfortunately he and his three kids lost their lives immediately in the event of the accident, while the wife was taken to the hospital where she died three days later. Their bodies were kept in the mortuary for five months, in order for the authority, to carry out a proper investigation on how to locate their surviving relatives. They have checked all available public files and embassies, but all their efforts had proved abortive, as they could not fund any of their relatives.
After these several unsuccessful attempts, no one has been coming for his account that he deposited with my bank (Zenith Bank Plc). And due to the banking law and regulation of 1985, sub section 18d page 103 chapter 11 of constitution governing all banking policy, and in accordance to the banking decree 003 sub section 45 which stated that any deposited fund which remains unclaimed after the existing period of four years will be confiscated by the national treasury department as unclaimed fund. And this has brought too much agitation in our bank between boards of directors on how to declare this account unserviceable, base on the fact that the deceased has no next of kin. After the meeting held by the executives of zenith bank with the personal attorney to late Michael on 15th of November 2010, they have all agreed to extend the date to 1st of August 2011.
Consequently to this, I have contacted you to assist in repatriating the money and property left behind by my client before the national treasury department gets them confiscated or declare unserviceable by zenith bank Plc Where the deceased have an account Valued at about fifteen Million, three hundred and forty five thousand U.S dollars (USD 15, 345,000.00). The bank has issued out a notice to provide the next of kin or have the account confiscated with in the next few days. Since no one has been able to locate their relatives for over four years now, I seek your consent to present you as the next of kin of the deceased so that this account valued at fifteen Million, three hundred and forty five thousand U.S dollars (USD 15, 345,000.00) can be paid to you and then you and I Can share the money. All the necessary documents concerning this claim are with the Bank legal department. All I require is your honest cooperation to enable us seal this deal.
Get back to me for immediate commencement of this deal.
Yours Truly,
Mr. Larry.
My Possible Reply to OF MR LARRY WILLIAMS
ZENITH BANK PLC.
//*********************************
My Reply -
ATTENTION: Mr Larry
I’m seeking my own co-operation too, so if you find it please let me know. I would be most grateful.
You neglect to mention Late Engineer Michael’s surname. That makes it pretty difficult to narrow him down. You might need to add the country that he was a citizen of. Just a thought…
Car accidents are always drastic and I send my condolences to the car. Do you know what make and model they were driving in? It would help me to make safer choices when it comes to choosing a car for my own family.
Now, where were we? Were their bodies really kept in the mortuary for five months? I do hope they didn’t follow a religious belief that requires them to be buried before the next sundown. How traumatic and drastic that would be for them as a family, especially if they had to wait three extra days for the wife and mother of the children.
I also find it interesting that all efforts by the public files and embassies were abortive and couldn’t FUND their relatives. Maybe they didn’t want to FIND the relatives and FUND them the money.
I am not stupid but thank-you so much for mentioning the bank that you work for so often. You might consider appropriate spelling and capitals each time you type it. The serious lack of consistency does not endear me to help you with your drastic situation. Added to that, I prefer my board of directors to be shaken and stirred. Agitation is not my preferred method for a group in charge.
Finally, you might ask someone to proof your email. You know, like maybe your secretary?
In conclusion, No, I do not want your money. I will state it here and now, you will never get my bank details, so don’t waste your time. I am just having a bit of fun.
Hugs, Me
PS This is Totally cheek in mouth and just for Fun.
A Step Up From Bugs
The termite removal people turned up to do their job. The bloke told me that they’d be here at 7:00 am and I agreed that it was a decent time. I get up at 7:00 am and I figured they’d get here later – it was just a ballpark time. Stupid me! Bang on 7, there was a knock on the door… Luckily, I got up a few minutes earlier, just not early enough to have a cup of coffee, so my conversational skills were not at my best and I won't bore you with the details. Mainly because I can't remember as I wasn't 'technically' awake.
They did their thing and left. We’re still waiting on getting the holes fixed but would you believe the real estate agent said we must have disturbed the termites so they went underground. So very sorry for actually cleaning the home we live in. Promise not to do that ever again! (Sarcasm intended)
And then…
A few days ago…
Dad was outside near our BBQ and then he scurried in the house. Note to Dad - When you’re a big man, scurrying is not a good look and arouses suspicion.
Me: What’s wrong?
Dad: Nothing. You don’t want to know.
Me: Snake!?!
Dad: Yes. A small dead brown snake. They’re really poisonous. I wonder where the Mum and brothers are?
Me : (curled up on a chair) WTF? Next time don’t tell me!
Dad: I said you didn’t want to know…
No. I don’t want to know but I do now. I'm sorry I know but I also don’t want to know where the Dad, Mum and brother snakes are.
They did their thing and left. We’re still waiting on getting the holes fixed but would you believe the real estate agent said we must have disturbed the termites so they went underground. So very sorry for actually cleaning the home we live in. Promise not to do that ever again! (Sarcasm intended)
And then…
A few days ago…
Dad was outside near our BBQ and then he scurried in the house. Note to Dad - When you’re a big man, scurrying is not a good look and arouses suspicion.
Me: What’s wrong?
Dad: Nothing. You don’t want to know.
Me: Snake!?!
Dad: Yes. A small dead brown snake. They’re really poisonous. I wonder where the Mum and brothers are?
Me : (curled up on a chair) WTF? Next time don’t tell me!
Dad: I said you didn’t want to know…
No. I don’t want to know but I do now. I'm sorry I know but I also don’t want to know where the Dad, Mum and brother snakes are.
Saturday, 27 August 2011
Another Bug Tale
So we have bugs again. This time, they are not in the boys’ hair. They are just in our home. I don’t even have to feel guilty because I forgot to check the boys’ hair. I just feel bad because I forgot to check the house! Who knew?
We began our spring cleaning a bit early this year and noticed a couple of holes. The first clues were the holes in the door. No, not where the glass bit goes, I mean the wooden bit!
As a responsible tenant, I phoned our real estate agent and explained the situation. Naturally, they doubted my opinion, and asked me, “Would I pop my finger in the hole to see what crawled out?”
I politely declined that offer and asked them to do so instead.
After a quick discussion, the job was delegated to a junior. Luckily, she was in the area and turned up within 20 minutes of my phone call.
She took one look from across the room and promptly fell to her knees.
Bless her!! But she didn’t want to pop her finger in the hole either. She confirmed we did have termites!
We’ve now had headlice, wild mice, cockroaches and termites...
Not everyone can say they have pets that feed themselves! How awesome is that?
We began our spring cleaning a bit early this year and noticed a couple of holes. The first clues were the holes in the door. No, not where the glass bit goes, I mean the wooden bit!
As a responsible tenant, I phoned our real estate agent and explained the situation. Naturally, they doubted my opinion, and asked me, “Would I pop my finger in the hole to see what crawled out?”
I politely declined that offer and asked them to do so instead.
After a quick discussion, the job was delegated to a junior. Luckily, she was in the area and turned up within 20 minutes of my phone call.
She took one look from across the room and promptly fell to her knees.
Bless her!! But she didn’t want to pop her finger in the hole either. She confirmed we did have termites!
We’ve now had headlice, wild mice, cockroaches and termites...
Not everyone can say they have pets that feed themselves! How awesome is that?
Saturday, 6 August 2011
Foal’s Birthday (9)
Foal turned 9 a couple of weeks ago. Awesome!!! (I haven’t killed him yet – Yay me!!!)
He decided he wanted a party and invited 3 of his closest friends. All three RSVP’ed but only two kids turned up. I’m still not sure what happened to the third but I have my thoughts. That was the call Dad took when I wasn’t home. The mum probably said they couldn’t make it and he heard the opposite. Honest mistake for a deaf person.
The two who did turn up were absolutely feral. And I say that in the nicest possible way. My first clue should have been when the parents dropping off their child and their last words were, “BEHAVE YOURSELF!!!”
We had hotdogs, party pies, sausage rolls, KFC Chicken, watermelon, popcorn, chips, icecream, lemonade, lollies and, of course, cake. They complained about the food. One child kept trying to sweep the food off the table and I had to tell him off. He didn’t eat anything except the lollies and cake.
The same child kept trying to go into Pup and Cub’s rooms. Even though their doors were closed. I ended up telling him to stop trying because they were closed for a reason. He finally got the idea to stay out!!!
The other child complained about the food too, but somehow managed to suffer his way through.
Both of them thought it would be a brilliant idea to break Foal’s birthday presents. I told them otherwise.
Both of them thought it was fantastic fun to throw stones at each other. I told them otherwise.
Both of them complained about being bored even though we have a huge backyard, a toy-filled rumpus room, Playstation and Xbox. I ignored them and started counting the minutes.
Thankfully, both of them were picked up on time. When the really naughty child was picked up, I told his mum that he didn’t eat any lunch even though we had plenty of choices and I offered to make him a sandwich of his choice. You know, just in case he went home and said there was nothing to eat. She gave him a really odd look so he obviously does eat the food we had. And besides, I’d done the right thing when they were dropped off and asked the parent if their precious had any allergies or foods they shouldn’t eat. Both replied that they ate anything.
Afterwards I asked Foal if they normally acted “that crazy” and he said no. Even he was disappointed in their behaviour. I told him that maybe they were just very excited.
Much later, I asked Foal if he’d had fun with his friends and he replied, “Yes. Best birthday party ever!” I guess that makes it all worthwhile...
He decided he wanted a party and invited 3 of his closest friends. All three RSVP’ed but only two kids turned up. I’m still not sure what happened to the third but I have my thoughts. That was the call Dad took when I wasn’t home. The mum probably said they couldn’t make it and he heard the opposite. Honest mistake for a deaf person.
The two who did turn up were absolutely feral. And I say that in the nicest possible way. My first clue should have been when the parents dropping off their child and their last words were, “BEHAVE YOURSELF!!!”
We had hotdogs, party pies, sausage rolls, KFC Chicken, watermelon, popcorn, chips, icecream, lemonade, lollies and, of course, cake. They complained about the food. One child kept trying to sweep the food off the table and I had to tell him off. He didn’t eat anything except the lollies and cake.
The same child kept trying to go into Pup and Cub’s rooms. Even though their doors were closed. I ended up telling him to stop trying because they were closed for a reason. He finally got the idea to stay out!!!
The other child complained about the food too, but somehow managed to suffer his way through.
Both of them thought it would be a brilliant idea to break Foal’s birthday presents. I told them otherwise.
Both of them thought it was fantastic fun to throw stones at each other. I told them otherwise.
Both of them complained about being bored even though we have a huge backyard, a toy-filled rumpus room, Playstation and Xbox. I ignored them and started counting the minutes.
Thankfully, both of them were picked up on time. When the really naughty child was picked up, I told his mum that he didn’t eat any lunch even though we had plenty of choices and I offered to make him a sandwich of his choice. You know, just in case he went home and said there was nothing to eat. She gave him a really odd look so he obviously does eat the food we had. And besides, I’d done the right thing when they were dropped off and asked the parent if their precious had any allergies or foods they shouldn’t eat. Both replied that they ate anything.
Afterwards I asked Foal if they normally acted “that crazy” and he said no. Even he was disappointed in their behaviour. I told him that maybe they were just very excited.
Much later, I asked Foal if he’d had fun with his friends and he replied, “Yes. Best birthday party ever!” I guess that makes it all worthwhile...
Sunday, 17 July 2011
Midnight Conversation
We have always had an ‘open bed policy’ but now the boys are bigger, our current rules are:
- We need to check the time. Dad gets up just after 3:00 am so if the time is nearly there, the following rule doesn’t apply, we’ll just wait. (Very important when it’s the middle of winter)
- Child must help me find the spare mattress and make up a bed next to my side on the floor
Recently, Foal had a bad dream and suddenly appeared next to my side of the bed. This is what followed:
Dad’s alarm did its thing, Dad got up and left.
Foal rolled over, So did I.
We both stretched out.
Foal asked, “Where are you going?”
I replied, “Nowhere!”
His retort, “Yes, you are! You’re going to sleep!”
- We need to check the time. Dad gets up just after 3:00 am so if the time is nearly there, the following rule doesn’t apply, we’ll just wait. (Very important when it’s the middle of winter)
- Child must help me find the spare mattress and make up a bed next to my side on the floor
Recently, Foal had a bad dream and suddenly appeared next to my side of the bed. This is what followed:
Dad’s alarm did its thing, Dad got up and left.
Foal rolled over, So did I.
We both stretched out.
Foal asked, “Where are you going?”
I replied, “Nowhere!”
His retort, “Yes, you are! You’re going to sleep!”
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